The Official Link Fanclub

Link wasn't happy. In fact, he was bored out of his skull. Nothing happened the last weeks. No monsters that he could destroy. No evil guy with whom he could test his skills with the sword, nothing. So he had no excuse to escape the boring things. Now there was no reason why he couldn't open the new store at the market, or why he couldn't help people solve there insignificant problems. Just the other day he was called to get a cat out of a tree! A cat! Since when is the Hero of Time supposed to do such things? He hoped that a monster would come and soon, or else he would go insane.
And just after Link thought that, a messenger entered the room of Hyrule Castle. The messenger was sweating and breathing heavily, signs that he had run very fast.
"Sir, the people need you on Lon Lon Ranch."
Link's face cleared up in an instant. The messenger wouldn't have run so fast if it was unimportant. So it had to be something big. Perhaps some nice monster that rampaged over Lon Lon Ranch. Just the thought of fighting such a thing gave Link a huge smile.
"What are we waiting for? Up to Lon Lon Ranch!" he said.

When Link entered the stables, he noticed that Epona was already saddled up and ready to go. So he quickly jumped on her and made her go to Lon Lon Ranch. Epona noticed the excitement of Link and, glad with the thought of some action, Epona was very fast in getting to the ranch. 
Once they got there, Link climbed of his horse. He took a good look around and noticed, that there was nothing. It was completely silent. Not a sound was heard, not even from the cows. So something must be very wrong. He carefully walked into the ranch, with his sword drawn, always looking around, checking if there was any danger at all.
He was just about to leave the houses behind him and to walk to the horses, when all of the sudden people came out of the houses and started yelling. At first he thought they were crying out of pain, but then he realised that they were happy. What the hell was going on? And if that wasn't enough, these people, who by the way were mostly women, were throwing tiny things. He plucked one of them of the ground and noticed it was a brigthly coloured piece of paper! Right now, Link had no idea about what to do. He could face a monster easily, but this?! Luckily, Zelda appered out of the crowd and walked towards Link.
"Zelda, thank the Goddesses, what on Hyrule is going on?"
"Why Link, you haven't forgotten your birthday, have you?" Zelda said. By now the people around them were quiet, all trying to listen to their hero.
"My birthday? But that isn't...wait a minute. Oh, how stupid of myself, I completely forgot! So this is for my birthday. But what is it?" 
"It's a celebration, but we're not just celebrating your birthday." 
"So, what else is there?"
"Well, today we are also celebrating the founding of The Official Link Fanclub, or TOLF for short!"
After Zelda said this, the noise came back. The people were yelling, screaming, and shouting Link's name. It took a long time, but finally, the people were silent again, so that they could hear their hero's reaction.
"What's a fanclub?"
"It is a club of people who admire you. So what do you thing of it?" Zelda asked with a smile.
Link thought about it and decided that there was nothing wrong with people admiring him. Women were doing it all day. Sure, he didn't like the staring and he often wished that he wasn't such a big hero, but at least they didn't do any harm. Plus most of these people lived a dull live, filled with the same dull events. They deserved some happiness, although it was for a short time. On the other hand, he really didn't want this. But he decided to be kind anyway.
"I love it." Link said and he tried to smile while saying it, but it was very hard for him. 
After he said this, the noise started again, but this time it didn't stop. To prevent his ears from being damaged permantly, he slipped outside the crowd and went to Epona, who was still standing just outside the Lon Lon Ranch, waiting patiently and loyally, like the horse she always was.
"Well Epona," Link said as he climbed on his horse," looks like it was nothing, again. Just a bunch of hysterical women."
"You aren't leaving already, are you?"
Link turned around to see who said it, though he already knew it was Zelda's voice. She was standing alone next to Epona.
"Yes, as a matter of fact, I am." he answered.
"But why?" she asked and she sounded a bit disappointed.
"Well, there aren't any monsters around here to fight, so what can I do here?"
"You can have a drink, talk to people. Everyone is excited about meeting you."
Just the thought of talking to each of those yelling women made Link decide that it was an extra reason to leave, not to stay. But he didn't want to tell Zelda that, she seemed happy with this 'fanclub'.
"I'm sorry, but I have to go." he said, trying not to hurt her feelings.
"You do like it, right?" she asked and you could tell that she doubted it.
Link smiled, though not a very convincing smile.
"Sure." he said, but Zelda could easily tell that he was lying. She couldn't stop thinking about his reaction. Why didn't he seem happy about the TOLF? Why didn't he like to be admired? This was puzzeling her and without her noticing, due to her deep thoughts, Link left.

Link sighed. He was sitting at his desk doing the same thing he was doing lately: nothing. Luckily, the fanclub or 'TOLF' didn't bother him that much. Just an interview and some pictures of him. The man who drew him was very gifted and Link was happy with the result. But for the rest, he didn't hear about TOLF much. And who came up with the name TOLF anyway? It was terrible. Why couldn't there be some action? Some fun? Something to distract him?
But before Link could keep feeling sorry for himself, a messenger enterred. He was sweating and breathing heavily. Normally a sign that a monster is attacking someone. But after the messenger from the TOLF acted like that, Link was a bit more carefull.
"What is it?" he asked.
"Sir, it's awful. Something is attacking the farms."
"What thing?"
"I can't describe it. I have never seen such a thing. It was huge, had a strange shape and pointy teeth."
Link's face had a radiant smile. Action! Real action with monsters and battles. Link had already picked up his sword, before the messenger could say another word. The messenger thought it was weird, that a guy, with a good heart, could be happy about this news. Ah well, everyone knew the Hero of Time was different.

Link was sitting on Epona, riding to the farms at an incredible speed. He could see the monster from a far distance. Man, this thing was huge!
Just as the monster was destroying a door of one of the farms, Link stopped Epona and yelled:
"Hey you, stop that or I will have no choice but to defeat you." Link didn't want to give the creature a change, but as a Hero and all that, he had to say the formalities.
The monster quickly responded by breathing a huge flame towards Link. Immediatly, Link raised his shield and he wasn't hurt.
"So you like it hot, hey? Then it's time to cool you down."
Link put away his sword and took his bow instead. He decided to take a special arrow from his quiver. The point of the arrow glowed a strange, bright blue light. When Link put the arrow on his bow, he could feel the magic flow through his body.
The beast was just about to show his hot breath again, when Link shot the arrow. The glowing arrow hit the creature right in the mouth. The small flame, that the monster was making in his mouth, went away and it looked like the teeth of the creature changed into ice crystals.
"There's nothing like a good ice arrow on a sunny day." Link said with a smile.
"And now for the final blow."
Link equipped himself with his sword again and he decided to make this a special finishing. He moved the magic he felled inside him to the sword. Strange glowing circles of magic surrounded the sword. When the weapon was fully pumped up, Link jumped in the air, ready to strike the monster. He lowered his sword and...
"Yes, hold that please."
Because of the shock, Link immediatly fell on the ground and the magic that was in the sword, disappeared. Link looked around to see who disturbed him. He saw that it was a man, who was busy drawing something on a piece of paper. The man looked up and sighed.
"I told you to hold still. Now we have to do it all over again."
All of the sudden, the beast spoke, with a totally correct British accent.
"I say, can I remove the ice from my mouth first? It is really troubling me."
"Sorry, but we need to get this right first."
Finally, Link was able to talk again.
"What on Hyrule is going on?!"
"Excuse me sir, what do you mean?" the drawer asked.
"First of, when I'm about to finish a monster..."
The creature looked hurt when Link called him a monster.
"There is no need to be rude."
But Link ignored him and continued.
"Like I said, when I'm about to finish a monster, I wont hang still in the air. There's this little thing called gravity you know. And second, brainless enemies aren't supposed to talk."
"Now this is going too far. I will not have you call me those things. You hurt my feelings. I will send you my lawyer. This is going to cost you, boy." the creature said and he walked away.
"Hunny, baby, darling, stop. I'm sure he didn't mean that. We need you." the drawer said in an attempt to stop the beast. But it didn't work and soon the animal was gone.
"Now look what you've done!" the man yelled at Link.
"Where am I supposed to get the inspiration now?"
"Inspiration for what? What the hell is going on?" Link was really irritated now.
"For the cover of the MMOTOLF, of course."
"The WHAT?"
"The Monthy Magazine Of The Official Link Fanclub."
"So what, you guys just hired that thing to destroy homes so that the MMOTOLF would have a nice cover?" Link couldn't believe this.
"Of course not. What do you think of us? Those home are fake. What, you actually thought that we would let Henry destroy houses? Just think of the negative publicity!"
"Henry?"
"The guy who is currently busy with de-freezing his mouth."
"Oh."
"But the point is, that now we still don't have a cover. I mean, you raising that sword looked great. Real life like and that special effects. It was magic."
"Of course it was magic. A great fairy tought me that."
"Yeah, whatever. But can you do that again? Sure, it's not the same without Henry, but it'll do."
Because of all these things, Link was too stunned to actually to something against it, so he took on his heroic pose and pumped up his sword once more. The drawer quickly made a couple of sketches, while saying things like "give it to me", "that's it baby" and other things Link didn't want to know about.
"No, wait, don't move. Yeah, that's it. Oh, you've got it now babe!" the drawer said as Link was busy standing still in another pose.
"Ehm, I don't mean to be rude or something, but how long must I hold this? I'd really like to move now."
"Sure, sure. That last one was great. Can I call you when I need a model? Here's my card."
The man pushed a small piece of paper in Link's hands and then walked away.
"Who was that guy?" Link thought and very confused, he walked home.

"Zelda, this has got to stop."
"But why? The MMOTOLF is a bestseller and more people join the TOLF every day."
Link sighed. He had come to Hyrule castle to stop this, but he knew it would disappoint Zelda.
"For example, the other day I was called to defeat some monster and then it turned out it wasn't a monster, but a guy called Henry and there was a guy who drew pictures of me and it was really weird and..."
"Oh, you mean the guy who drew the cover of this months magazine. You have to admit, he did a good job. You look wonderful with that sword of yours."
"Yeah, but that's not the point. I don't like to be called away for nothing. There could've been a real monster killing people while I was busy posing."
"Well, was there?"
"Was what?"
"A real monster. Was there a real monster while you were posing?"
"Well, no, but that's not the problem."
"Then what is? Look Link, no offence, but lately your life has been very dull. Nothing was going on so I thought to spice it up a little by founding the TOLF. Was that wrong of me?"
Link sighed again. He knew that it was wrong of her, but he didn't want to hurt her. She liked this TOLF-thingie a lot. So all he said was: "No, forget that I mentioned it."

Zelda was confused. A couple of months ago, Link was unhappy. She knew that. She knew that Link needed some action. But there weren't many monsters to fight after Ganondorf's death. And doing paperwork wasn't exactly Link's idea of having fun. So she thought of something that would keep Link busy, and that's why she founded the TOLF. Plus, it would make the citizens happy. But for some reason Link didn't like the TOLF. What's so bad about people admiring you? Zelda couldn't figure it out.

"Sir, someone's waiting for you in the library." the servant said.
"For what does he want to see me?"
"It's a she, and she's here for an interview."
Link sighed. When would this stop?!
But Link swallowed once and then went on his way to the library.
"Oh hello Mister Link. May I introduce myself, my name is Gindella and I'm here for an interview. " The interviewer appeared to be about 20 years old and seemed way too happy.
"I know why you're here and please don't call me Mister, just Link."
Gindella giggled.
"How informal."
This was going to be a long day for Link. He took a chair and prepared himself for a boring time.
"So, let's get started. What's your favourite food?"
"Excuse me?"
"I said, what's your favourite food?"
"Why do people want to know what I like to eat?"
Gindella giggled again, although Link had no idea why.
"Hunny, you're hot. And when your hot, people want to know everything about you."
Link didn't understand. He wasn't hot. Or would he have a fever or something?
"Yes, well, could we skip that question?"
"Sure. Ehm lemme see. If you were stranded on a deserted island with only one person, who would that be?"
Link got the feeling there was no chance that Gindella would ask a normal question. He had thought right, this was going to be a long day.

"Hey, aren't you Zelda?"
The princess was walking at the market. She was often addressed by people who needed help. It was a well known fact that Zelda was smart and that she often helped people with problems. So she wasn't surprised when someone started a conversation with her.
"Yes, that's me."
"You have no idea how glad I am to see you. You see, me and my friend have a really big problem."
Zelda nodded. She expected something like this. Now the other one would start talking about bad crops, not enough rain, too much rain or something like that.
"What's your problem?"
"Well, I think that Link prefers blue clothing, but my friend says that he's more a red clothes kinda guy. And since you know him pretty well, I was wondering if you could help me."
For a moment, Zelda didn't know what to say.
"I, eh, I beg your pardon?"
"What colour does Link prefer, blue or red?"
Zelda was completely confused. She had no idea what to do now.
"Ehm, red I think. But it could be blue."
"That's no use for me. I need to know it certain." the person said and walked away.
"Now that was weird." Zelda said and she continued her walk down the market.

"Princess, dinner is served." the servant said after she entered Zelda's room.
"Thank you. I'll be at the diner in a second." Zelda paused for a moment and the girl was about to leave. But then the princess said: "Can I ask you something?"
"Ehm, sure."
"Earlier today, someone asked to me a question about Link."
"What question?"
"I don't know, something unimportant. Why would someone do that? Normally people come to me with real problems, but this wasn't like that at all."
"Well, I think that's because Link became a national hero after you founded the TOLF. And now people want to know everything about him."
"But this was a really strange question."
"You forget the fact that humans are really strange creatures."
"You've got a point there. You may leave."
The servant went and Zelda couldn't stop pondering about the situation. And the more she thought about it, the more she considered TOLF to be a bad idea. Link hated it, people went mad because of it and she was disturbed with unimportant stuff. So should she close TOLF?

Link had made a descion. He would go to Zelda and tell her to stop TOLF. She wouldn't like it, of course, but it had to happen. It was going way out of hand. Everywhere he went, people where trying to touch him or get his autograph or something.
Link inhaled, paused, exhaled and opened the door.
"Link, it's good you're here. We need to talk." Zelda said as she saw Link entering the room.
"You're right, you see I've been thinking." Link started.
"Me too."
"I think that the TOLF should be stopped." they both said at the same time. After realising the other wanted to say the same thing, the two started to laugh.
"But why would you want to close TOLF? I thought you liked it?" Link asked.
"I did, at first. But then you came in the publicity and everywhere I went, people were talking about you."
"That was the idea of TOLF in the first place, remember?" Link reminded Zelda.
"I know, but I guess..."
"That?"
"That I don't want to talk about you with strangers. That I don't want people to know personal details about you. In other words: that I don't want to share you with anyone."
Link smiled.
"That's very selfish of you."
"I know, can you forgive me?"
"Only if you start being selfish right away and delete the TOLF now."
"Consider it done. You do realise that your life will be boring again?"
"I'd prefer to call it peaceful."
The two laughed again.
"And one more thing." Link said.
"What is it?"
"If I ever get bored, please, don't help me."
"Deal."